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Monthly Archives: August 2009


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I’m going to do something completely out of character for me. I am going to do Wishcasting Wednesday. I’m not sure how it will go, but we will see.

What do you wish to acknowledge yourself for?

I wish to acknowlege myself for my continuing efforts to healthify (if thats a word) my life. Through-out my four years spent in college I have become a junk food eater and have gained more weight than I like to admit. I got really frustrated with the way I was eating and looking this last year and vowed to do something about it. It has been extremely hard to get out and exercise, but I have started getting better.

I have been biking to work as much as possible all summer. A few weeks ago I started running. I never thought I would enjoy it as much as I have. When I played lacrosse I loathed running before practice. Now I absolutely love it. I feel so free when I’m out. I have also been trying to get back into the routine of doing yoga at least once a week. So far I have only gotten myself to meditate once.

J. and I have been really working on getting our diet back to normal. We have been eating much better than we used to. Not eating fast food and pasta roni every night. I have been feeling a thousand times better since this.



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We have not come here to take prisoners,
But to surrender ever more deeply
To freedom and joy.

We have not come into this exquisite world
To hold ourselves hostage from love.

Run my dear,
From anything
That may not strengthen
Your precious budding wings.

Run like hell my dear,
From anyone likely
To put a sharp knife
Into the sacred, tender vision
Of your beautiful heart.

We have a duty to befriend
Those aspects of obedience
That stand outside of our house
And shout to our reason
“Oh please, oh please,
Come out and play.”

For we have not come here to take prisoners
Or to confine our wondrous spirits,

But to experience ever and ever more deeply
Our divine courage, freedom, and


Goals and Things Desired To Do For The Fall

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“We must be the change we wish to see in the world.”

In no particular order here they are

– Swim 1 time a week

– Bike 2 times a week

– Run 3 times a week

– Strength train 2 times a week

– Yoga at least 1 time a week

– Learn to meditate

– Read 1 book a month

– Find a good study spot

– Continue to eat healthy during school

– Be a better GF

– Schedule me time

– Have a dinner party

– “Just Start Over”

– Stand up for myself

– Use less plastic

– Strengthen views

– Always have a positive outlook on life

– Talk positive about people

– Simplify life

– Ecofy

3 Promises
1) Get a compost bucket
2) Get Airators and low flow shower head
3) Carbon offsetting

– Honesty and Integrity

– Learn bliss

Now I came to this idea of bliss because in Sanskrit, which is the great spiritual language of the world, there are three terms that represent the brink, the jumping-off place to the ocean of transcendence: sat-chit-ananda. The word “sat” means being. “Chit” means consciousness. “Ananda” means bliss or rapture. I thought, “I don’t know whether my consciousness is proper consciousness or not; I don’t know whether what I know of my being is my proper being or not; but I do know what my rapture is. So let me hang on to rapture, and that will bring me both my consciousness and my being.” I think it worked.

Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth

– Journal more often

– Drive less

Negative Nancy

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The other day Jason made a comment about how all my music is negative. This got me thinking. Then a little while later he said that when I’m with certain people all we do is talking negatively about everything. This really got me thinking.

I’ve never been the type of person that talks about people behind their backs or spreads gossip. What makes me capable of doing this when I’m with people that are by nature negative? Am I the kind of person who has a different face for every person I spend time with?

The answers to these questions used to be that I wasn’t capable of being like that and I never used to be someone who changed who they were for every different person. Something makes me want to blame all of this on the college I go to and the state I currently live in. This doesn’t seem like a good answer, especially since I don’t like the blame game.

I have made a pact with myself that I will work on not doing this actions. I believe this will help me find myself again.

A Bump In The Road

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On Tuesday my car decided to crap out on me on the drive home. Thankfully it happened right after I turned onto a side street and not while I was on 5th street. Saw some black smoke coming from under my hood and smelled horrible. After a look under the hood and a look at the oil dipstick (cream colored oil) I knew I was screwed.

So instead of doing the smart thing and calling a tow truck and getting it towed home, I went on to Safeway to procure some ingredients to make lasagna with Janile. While doing this I talked to my dad, since Jason was not answering his phone, called AAA to get a tow to the mechanic, and called the mechanic to warn them of my car arriving.

Wednesday found out that there was coolant in my oil, which I already knew, and it was going to cost me $700 just to get my engine tore apart so they can see what all is broken. Which I promptly decided was not happening. Ended up costing $100 for a mechanic to tell me what I already knew. So when it got dark and fewer cars were on the road Jason and I went to tow my car back home with his bronco. Got it home and all nicely parked. Just have to wait for some boys to make it all better and drivable.

So now I am without a car and my bike tires need to get trued before they can be used again. My goal of finding myself seems even harder now. I know its just a car, but it takes my mind and time away from what is really important.

A random thought that has nothing to do with this post, but with my overall goal through this blog. I am going to work on writing a monthly email to update friends and family about my life as I begin my senior year of college. We will see how that goes (shyness makes me want to quite now before I even start).

Another Typical Day

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I have been thinking a lot lately about what I am going to do when I graduate in May. Granted its a ways off i feel the need to figure it out now so I can get everything planned out. I have been going back and forth between continuing my education (engineering or something new) and getting a job. I really want to say screw engineering go be a teacher, but 5 years spent on a degree for nothing does not sound like the smartest thing. My other idea for continuing my education is a masters degree in something such as business or water resources.

If I do go on to be an “engineer” I would like to do the management side. No not project management, business management. Which means I should take some business classes. Not sure if i want to get an MBA or just take some under-grad level one’s.

The Beginning

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What is this blog all about you ask. Well your guess is as good as mine. I started this blog as way to find myself again. Through going to college in un-familiar territory, moving to a new state, and joining a sorority I have become lost. I have decided that through writing my thoughts as I take on new adventures (a triathlon maybe) I might be able to get some incite into myself.

The Old (Comforting)

The New (Not So Comforting)