Probably 6 months ago I challenged myself to write my own definition of what it means to be a wife. I chose to do this for many reasons and those reasons are probably why it has taken me this long to write it. I want to write this because I believe my chosen path in life is different from the typical one and I feel I need my own definition of “wife” to continue living a fulfilling life.
To start a little background might be needed as I don’t think I have ever really written anything about my path to where I am now. I was raised to be extremely independent and a hard core feminist. Growing up I was not popular, never wore makeup, and didn’t have much confidence in myself or my body. My Dad has always told me that I was naturally pretty and did not need to wear makeup or dress a certain way. I have always taken this to heart. In high school I dressed in a way that hid my body. During college I started dressing in a more “flattering” way, but always in a way that showed respect to my body and beauty. I have never worn makeup on a daily basis and when I do it is to accent my natural beauty. The next person to come into my life and influence who I am is my husband. From the very beginning he has shown me more respect than any guy my age. As we went down the path of our relationship he constantly worked to help me out of the walls I had built around myself. He has helped me to become who I am today. Through this he has not changed who I am at my core but helped me to realize what I really want out of life and what society is telling me to do. Through him I have come to realize that I can be both a feminist and a wife. I have begun seeing that society’s idea of what a wife is does not have to apply to me.
The other part of this is the culture of where I grew up versus where I became an adult. I grew up in an area where most people were concerned with their career and living life to its fullest. Few people worried about finding a partner, getting married, and settling down to have kids. I grew up with the expectation that if I got married it wouldn’t be until I was at least 30. I went to college in South Dakota where I was frequently asked if I was going to school for my Mrs. degree. Most of the females I went to school with got married within 3 months of graduation. I am choosing what I consider to be the best of both worlds, marry my best friend young and live life to its fullest.
Maybe a better word for what I consider myself is companion. I want to be by J’s side through the thick and thin. I want to be standing next to him when we summit Everest. I want to be with him when he gets promotions at work. On the other side I expect him to be beside me when I win my first triathlon and finish my first marathon. I want him to him to be next to me when I start my own business. For me J is my ever reliable companion. I want him to be the person that will always be there through all of the triumphs and failures in life. For me wife means companion and it can take on many different forms. I find myself happy in both the traditional role as homemaker and his companion on crazy adventures.