Why has it taken me until now to write about our wedding that happened in September 2010?
Probably because it was far more emotional and life changing than I thought.I have been thinking about writing this post since the day after our wedding and I finally think I understand what changed that day enough to write about it.
The best place to start this post is pre-engagement where I was so desperate for J to ask me to marry him, but could not figure out why. I watched my friends get engaged and felt like I was a failure, like I was doing something wrong. I never understood this feeling because until moving to South Dakota I had no desire to get married and I surely was never going to let a guy make me go crazy over something as stupid as a ring. A ring. I did not even want a ring. Or so I thought. We got engaged on a trip to Steamboat Springs, CO. It was a magical weekend for us and to this day still more important than our wedding day.
We waited until I graduated to start planning the wedding. When we started planning all we really knew was that we wanted a wedding that really reflected who we are as a couple. Which meant something outside and simple. After lots of searching and debate we settled on a lodge in Four Mile Canyon. It was beautiful, rustic, and had a creek running through it. We went the route of doing everything ourselves. We asked a friend to be our photographer for the ceremony and a neighbor made our amazing wedding cake.
Instead of a rehearsal dinner we decided to invite all of our friends to go to the Great American Beer Festival. This was an absolute blast and for us the best way to spend the night before our wedding.
The day of the wedding dawned with fog and a drizzle. My dad promised me that it would be sunny by the time the ceremony started. This became my mantra as things progressively got worse. I washed my hair and left it down to dry and then headed off to collect my bridesmaids for breakfast. When the time came for me to go get my hair done (a gift from the lady who has cut my hair my whole life and our second photographer) I a had a rats nest on my head thanks to the wonderful moist air. We had to re-wash and dry my hair which took forever. This put me about 30 minutes behind schedule, which meant I was going to be driving through Boulder right before a big CU football game started.
I got to the lodge and one of the groomsman came running up to grab the laptop that had all of the music for the ceremony and reception. Awesome. I ran inside and got dressed, threw on some make-up, and tried to calm down. The ceremony was going smoothly and I was smiling as big as I had ever smiled. When it came time for my sister in-law to read a poem we realized that no one had a copy of it for her to read. So we all just laughed and finished the ceremony. After the ceremony the wedding party and our photographer friend piled into a vehicle and drove up the canyon to the Boulder Falls to take a few pictures. As we were taking pictures a ranger dude came up and told us that we were not supposed to be taking pictures there and that we would have to leave if we had a professional photographer. Since we were the only people there he let us stay. We took some beautiful pictures and headed back to the lodge.
From what I can remember the rest of the night was perfect. We ate or at least everyone else ate. I could not get any food down for some reason. Drank lots of beer. Listened to Jason and his fraternity brothers sing a song to me. Played lots of lawn games. Ate the most amazing cake I have ever had the pleasure of eating. Had our first dance (we danced to Don’t Stop Believing by Journey) off to the side so the only person that saw our very special moment was my aunt who snuck some pictures.
We should have known from our engagement that we were going to have lots of things go wrong with our wedding. Who forgets most of their cloths when they go to Steamboat for the weekend? Only us. I totally forgot to write about the Four Mile Canyon fire that made it so we almost had to re-plan our whole wedding days before. This was one of the worst fires in the history of Colorado fires. It started just 7 miles from the lodge and was not contained until 3 days before our wedding. The canyon was not opened until 2 days before. We went up to the lodge on Friday morning and they were still using the lodge as a staging ground for the fire fighting. Some how the higher powers made everything work out and we were able to get married at the lodge.
We enjoy looking back and laughing at how much went wrong, but how it all ended up working out. I learned so much about myself and our relationship. It took me two years to realize why I so desperately needed a wedding and why at such a “young age,” but I am glad I finally figured it out. We have known since the very beginning that we would spend out whole lives together. When J gave me my first heart necklace we both made a silent commitment to each other. To us we were married with that silent commitment. We did not need a piece of paper to be married. But I felt that there was something missing and I could not put my finger on it. I hated how people treated us because we did not have that special piece of paper. We needed an event to help me and our friends and family make the transition from steady couple to married couple. I feel like I have so much more in me that needs to be said on this topic, but it is very draining for me. Maybe later I will do some more writing on this subject.